As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
