Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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