Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
