Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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