I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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