well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
