"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
