There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
