I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
