You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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