Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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