New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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