My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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