So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
