Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Can Purell be used as lube?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize