he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
