a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
