it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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