in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
