Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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