Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
