The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
