u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
