I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
