I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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