At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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