am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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