I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
