Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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