I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
People in love make me want to vomit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
