You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
