32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize