Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
