I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
