Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
