shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
