I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
