he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
