we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
