We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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