he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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