I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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