My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
