I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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