I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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