Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
