why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize