As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
