i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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