Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
