At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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