You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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