i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize