No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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