the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
