I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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