I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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