my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
