ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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